Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. While I'm stoked that I have 4.5 days off work and live in California where the weather is perfect for hiking, I cannot help but look toward tomorrow with immense trepidation, fear, and all-out loathing. Celebrating with a vegetarian-friendly bunch of hipsters in Koreatown, only half of which I know and a quarter of which I can tolerate, two-thousand miles from my family is not the way I would have chosen this day to go. But people close to me in my life have this nasty habit of ignoring me in November. It's been a recurring theme throughout my life, always ending in extended-family dinners where I am invisible and birthdays (mine is in November) that I'd rather not remember. Thinking back, as I've been inclined to do lately, I realize that November Incidents are about 20% of the reason I spent so much time in therapy. Haha.
HOWEVER... and this is a huge and wonderful HOWEVER...
In the sentimental and true spirit of this holiday, I, in my snobbish, bratty reluctance to enjoy tomorrow at all, believe that I have more for which to be Thankful than anyone else I will be celebrating with tomorrow. Yes, I said it. I have lived a life that has been primarily free of struggle. At lunch with a friend today, he brought up the idea of "rich people problems." He was referencing how people in third-world countries have almost no food allergies despite being hungry most their lives. Though I am not wealthy, the obstacles I have faced in my life have been products of blessing and privilege. While this in itself is a reason to celebrate, I'd like to flaunt my blessing, if only to make myself feel a little better about being lonely in a crowd on a holiday... again.
1. I have an amazing job, in my line of work, with amazing coworkers. Yes, it can be stressful, and yes, I'm "just" an assistant, but I'm an assistant to a President of a prolific and successful company. The other assistants in my office are good people who have shown nothing but kindness and patience as I have struggled through my first year not only at this company, but my first year working full-time at any job. I've also got a boss who has integrity - such a rarity in this industry. She is also incredibly kind, and has given me an opportunity that few other people would have. And she bought me a Kindle for my birthday, which is pretty great. :-P
2. I live alone in a comfortable apartment in a great neighborhood. When I am home, I answer to no one, and it is a dream come true. My neighbors leave me and each other well-enough alone, but also have the courtesy to keep the building clean and say hi when passing on the stairs. The rooftop view is perfect, and I have a parking space... in West LA. And like I said before, this is Southern California, and I can hike any time of year.
3. I have minimal student loan debt due in part to amazing parents, in part to some scholarships, and in part to obtaining my BA in two years.
4. I have an amazing immediate family, and, for the first time in my life, I have a solid relationship with my younger brother. My parents are together, they love each other, and they love my siblings and I. We may fight sometimes, and we may disagree, but at the end of the day, we have always had each others backs. My little sister is growing into a beautiful and interesting person, and my brother has finally found purpose and direction in his life. We also have two of the greatest beagles in the history of beagles - Snoopy ain't got nothin' on Jack and Lola.
5. I have three friends that I only see a few times a year since moving out here, and I still manage to talk to them at least every other day. Nathaniel, Christine, and Jim - if you're reading this, I love you all. These are three people who are immensely intelligent and talented, but who actually think I'm worthy to be privy to their thoughts. It blows my mind that I should be so blessed with people who have stuck by my side despite distance and difference.
6. I am in good shape, and in even better health. Although I HATE doing it, I work out several times a week, and I have been seeing results. I've also limited my cheeseburger, beer, and soda intake to a much healthier amount and am currently focused on not being a social-smoker. Tomorrow will test that, but I am glad for my health and fitness.
7. I've finished a draft treatment, I'm meeting with the writing partner to discuss it tonight, I'm making headway on a marching show, and I'm actually following through with this Job idea - even if it hurts sometimes. Finally, I'm becoming a writer.
8. I belong to a socially-conscious, growing, and living church that seems to truly pursue Christ-like goals. While I believe my home church is getting there, being in Los Angeles has electrified my faith. This church has provided me with a support system. And because we are all the church united by God's love, it's the one place where I feel like I'm right at home.
9. I have a small circle of people out here that I feel comfortable calling friends. This is more than I could have said a year ago. Whether it's Todd who has been kind enough to take me to Dreamworks events or Lizzie who just gets me out of the house for some "girl time," I'm finally finding a social life that doesn't make me squirm in LA. Tomorrow notwithstanding, of course. I'm also attempting a relationship - something very new and altogether terrifying for me. And he's a good guy who puts up with as much shit from me as he gives out himself. (That was a terrible sentence, and I apologize, but I'm not fixing it.)
10. Tuesday I will be twenty-two. Everyone else at this bullshit Thanksgiving will be older than I am, and most of 'em don't have half this list. HAH!
UPDATE: Today was rather spectacular, and I feel a bit bad about being such a brat all week. The food was good, the people charming, and there were bagels and salmon spread. In all, a very good day.
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