I haven't written in the past two days. I have gotten a book for research - The Book of Joby - per the recommendation of a librarian friend. And I am scheduling time tomorrow after work to work. Now I have to follow through with it since I've gone public... right?
I also need to find time to buy my Halloween costume. I hate Halloween, but I am caving into peer pressure and dressing up. We'll see how this goes. My costume is both sexy and witty, so I feel like I will please both the social norm policy-makers and my hipster friends. Score!
On an incredibly mundane note: I bought a permanent coffee filter today. I had no idea these existed, and I'm so happy they do. Coffee accessories should not be this exciting, but here we are.
I'm off to watch Will & Grace.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Let's Try This Again
After a rousing church service tonight, I've been inspired. The past week or so, I've been in a rut - the first of the two I was tired; the second, PMS-ing. If that's a bit too much information for you, get over it.
Anyway, the point is, despite my many faults and falls lately, I have realized a few things: 1) it's been great for my literary productivity; and 2) I am loved.
With both of these realizations comes a certain amount of responsibility, especially since I am taking them public.
As for the first, I think I'm re-opening this blog to examine my struggle as I write to spiritually-based scripts: one on the book of Job, the other with a writing partner on the idea of a reincarnated soul as it learns lessons across lives. I am writing the first because of my struggle with the entire story of Job: that God created us and can, therefore, allow arbitrary struggle in a person's life regardless of his or her works. It's something that has caused me pain, numbness, and an odd sort of comfort and various respective points of my life. The second script will be a challenge in historical accuracy as it takes place through several historical periods. It will also be interesting to see how I write with a friend whose belief systems vary from my own.
At the moment, I'm in the very early stages of both scripts. For the first, I am, of course, rereading the book of Job - always a different read depending on my life situation. I'm also rereading a short story I wrote on the subject while in high school - I will publish a version of it in a later post. For the second, I'm currently working through the treatment, researching politics and social dynamics in the 1970s in Chicago. If I have readers, please share with me any reading materials that you come across that would help.
And for the second realization, that I am, without question, loved, I only write because it brings me a huge amount of comfort as a struggle through this minor bump in my journey.
Today, I spent the morning with my friend Todd. There is a huge disparity in our ages, life stories, former geographies, and yet, we have managed to become friends. He is one of those rare people that I know would have my back without question. And for whatever reason, he has taken an interest in my life and career and has allowed me opportunities that I would not have had otherwise. Even today, just going to see an advanced screening of Megamind, the new Dreamworks movie, is something that would be otherwise off-limits to me without his help. These simple adventures mean the world to me, and his friendship, the universe. I have no idea how to reciprocate this, and the strangest and most wonderful thing is that he doesn't ask me to.
My afternoon was spent with a wonderful person just talking about whatever. The time itself wasn't so profound as it was leaving and knowing that he looks forward to seeing me again. It's reassuring.
I also had the opportunity to take a small step in securing a broken friendship. This friendship means more than I care to admit, especially since it's rough, rocky, and has as many ookie memories as it does good. And it's good to think that it can, to some degree, be restored in the future.
A call to my mom assured me that I am loved across space and unconditionally. Confession: I talk to her every day, and it's my favorite part of my day. When I don't have the chance, my heart breaks a little.
And then to church. The message was both convicting - I do not live my life to the full and beautiful potential for which God created it - and inspiring - God still uses me even when I am completely off course. And he listens - he listens even when I, in my ignorance, complain and struggle to comprehend a world and universe so much bigger than myself. It was in a moment tonight, after the sermon, when music played, that I heard that still small voice so often mentioned. And I am loved unconditionally by the creator of the universe. Not only am I loved, but I am gifted, and I am given an identity, a space in this world all my own.
Even when I struggle and I'm scared and I'm mired in my own stupidities, I still have the ability to work, and I am still loved by so many good people. I don't deserve this, and that makes it even sweeter.
Here's hoping this helps me to stay accountable to my various projects, and to the people who have somehow invested in my little life.
Anyway, the point is, despite my many faults and falls lately, I have realized a few things: 1) it's been great for my literary productivity; and 2) I am loved.
With both of these realizations comes a certain amount of responsibility, especially since I am taking them public.
As for the first, I think I'm re-opening this blog to examine my struggle as I write to spiritually-based scripts: one on the book of Job, the other with a writing partner on the idea of a reincarnated soul as it learns lessons across lives. I am writing the first because of my struggle with the entire story of Job: that God created us and can, therefore, allow arbitrary struggle in a person's life regardless of his or her works. It's something that has caused me pain, numbness, and an odd sort of comfort and various respective points of my life. The second script will be a challenge in historical accuracy as it takes place through several historical periods. It will also be interesting to see how I write with a friend whose belief systems vary from my own.
At the moment, I'm in the very early stages of both scripts. For the first, I am, of course, rereading the book of Job - always a different read depending on my life situation. I'm also rereading a short story I wrote on the subject while in high school - I will publish a version of it in a later post. For the second, I'm currently working through the treatment, researching politics and social dynamics in the 1970s in Chicago. If I have readers, please share with me any reading materials that you come across that would help.
And for the second realization, that I am, without question, loved, I only write because it brings me a huge amount of comfort as a struggle through this minor bump in my journey.
Today, I spent the morning with my friend Todd. There is a huge disparity in our ages, life stories, former geographies, and yet, we have managed to become friends. He is one of those rare people that I know would have my back without question. And for whatever reason, he has taken an interest in my life and career and has allowed me opportunities that I would not have had otherwise. Even today, just going to see an advanced screening of Megamind, the new Dreamworks movie, is something that would be otherwise off-limits to me without his help. These simple adventures mean the world to me, and his friendship, the universe. I have no idea how to reciprocate this, and the strangest and most wonderful thing is that he doesn't ask me to.
My afternoon was spent with a wonderful person just talking about whatever. The time itself wasn't so profound as it was leaving and knowing that he looks forward to seeing me again. It's reassuring.
I also had the opportunity to take a small step in securing a broken friendship. This friendship means more than I care to admit, especially since it's rough, rocky, and has as many ookie memories as it does good. And it's good to think that it can, to some degree, be restored in the future.
A call to my mom assured me that I am loved across space and unconditionally. Confession: I talk to her every day, and it's my favorite part of my day. When I don't have the chance, my heart breaks a little.
And then to church. The message was both convicting - I do not live my life to the full and beautiful potential for which God created it - and inspiring - God still uses me even when I am completely off course. And he listens - he listens even when I, in my ignorance, complain and struggle to comprehend a world and universe so much bigger than myself. It was in a moment tonight, after the sermon, when music played, that I heard that still small voice so often mentioned. And I am loved unconditionally by the creator of the universe. Not only am I loved, but I am gifted, and I am given an identity, a space in this world all my own.
Even when I struggle and I'm scared and I'm mired in my own stupidities, I still have the ability to work, and I am still loved by so many good people. I don't deserve this, and that makes it even sweeter.
Here's hoping this helps me to stay accountable to my various projects, and to the people who have somehow invested in my little life.
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